Sunday, October 09, 2005

The Sea Is Full Of Danger...

Cross-posted from The Stupid Shall Be Punished:

Over at Rontini's BBS, a poster put up a one of the classics from the SubmarineSailor.com humor page that I thought was a perfect ice-breaker for a lazy October Sunday morning:

THE TEN MOST DANGEROUS THINGS ON A SUBMARINE

10. An A-ganger who can actually read.
9. A mechanic with anything electrical.
8. The 3" launcher and anything that goes in it.
7. The COB ('nuff said).
6. Any time a LT says, "I was just thinking..."
5. An Ensign who says, "Based on my experience....."
4. Any of the unenlightened group known as non-quals.
3. A Sonar Supe who says, "Trust me, it's biologics."
2. A skinny MS
1. Anybody saying, "Hey, watch this s*** !"

The list is a little outdated (MS's are now "Culinary Specialists" and the new boats have bigger launchers). To this list, I would add "An officer with a tool" -- this was always the thing that scared me the most. Anyway, feel free to add your own in the comments, or submit your favorite adjective used to describe the aforementioned non-quals (e.g. "air-breathing", "rack-taking", "scrubber loading", etc.).

Going deep...

Update 0945 09 Oct: Here's another great quote from the humor page:

OOD, at PD in sea state 1: "Dive, Mark your depth! Belay that, I'll get it off the rudder!"

It reminded me of the smart-ass litany I used to use on any "wandering helmsman":

Me: "Helm, mark your head."
Helm: "Ship's head is xxx."
Me; "Helm, mark ordered course."
Helm: "Ordered course is yyy." (where yyy ≠ xxx by quite a bit)
Me: "Helm... mind your helm."

6 Comments:

At 9:32 AM, Blogger Vigilis said...

chief of the watch using a 3-foot pry bar to operate BCP valve handle.

 
At 9:30 PM, Blogger Rob said...

Senior mechanic with a cheater bar on the port TG trip throttle valve...

'nuff said...

Kinda like Vigilis' COW, now that I think about it...

 
At 11:33 AM, Blogger Brainy435 said...

How about a 13 year A-ganger walking away from the trim pump... which has packing the SHOULD be lubricated by the water it pumps...with a mostly empty container of packing grease?

 
At 7:39 PM, Blogger Lubber's Line said...

The "Supply Officer" checking the rig for dive.

 
At 12:38 PM, Blogger FiremanFlee MM2ss said...

When your DIVO say"it's been my experiance"
When your chief says "trust me"
The enlightened are no longer non-quals-Liberal P.C. navy says they are M.U.F.I.N.s Most Useless F@#$ers In the Navy

 
At 6:43 PM, Blogger Former PN3(SS) 627 & 646 said...

I heard this 3rd-hand... so I don't know personally if this conversation ever existed, but it's still funny in a submariner kind of way!

As the CO walks into Control, he hears the OOD at the scope while at PD say to the QM, "Quartermaster - mark the hour of sunrise...."

The CO then asks the OOD, "What's the visibility?"

To which the OOD responds, "About 93,000,000 miles"!

Even if that's not true, it's worth a smile.

 

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