Introductions All Around...

This being a new blog, and seeing that some of my shipmates have talked a little about their submarine experience, I figure I should let some of our new readers know who I, Bubblehead from Idaho, am. Short story: I just retired at the end of September after 21 1/2 years (all but six as an officer); did my JO tour on USS Topeka (SSN 754), Engineer tours on USS Connecticut (SSN 22) and (then) PCU Jimmy Carter (SSN 23). I should write some more, but since it's the weekend, I'm too lazy to come up with original content, so I'll just repost an entry I made back in January on my home blog (with updated E-mail address, which doesn't really count as original content):

I've gotten a few questions, mostly by E-mail, since I started sub-blogging, and a few have shown up more than once. Here's a sampling:

Q1. Who are you? Do I know you?
A1. If you're a submariner who spent much time in Groton, Conn., or San Diego over the last 15 years, chances are we've run across each other. I was the initial manning Engineer on the last two Seawolf class boats, which kind of narrows down who I am. I'm not really sure why I don't put my name on the blog; I post under my own name over at Ron Martini's Submarine BBS, and link to this blog from it, so it's not that big a deal if you find out who I am. I mainly just wanted a cool name to post in other blogger's comments sections. If you still want to find out more about me, you can E-mail me at: joel dot bubblehead (at) gmail dot com. Or, if you do know me, and I haven't been keeping in touch, I'd love to hear from you. (Especially if you just retired after serving as XO on USS LaJolla.)

Q2. You're not going to put what I told you in your blog, are you?
A2. No, I won't. I'm glad to know it, and thank you for sending it, but I don't put anything on this blog that's not available elsewhere on the Internet. As far as having it be "verified" by appearing here -- well, for all you know I'm a 13 year old kid with a submarine fetish.

Q3. Do you know the words to The Submarine Song? You know, the one that starts "Submarines once, submarines twice..."
A3. Yes, I do know the words, including both versions of the second verse. No, I will not put it on this blog. Some submarine secrets are so sacred that we can't run the risk of letting them out to the general public. Now, if you are a submariner who's forgotten the words, and would like me to send them to you, just drop me a note at the address in A1 above, along with your sub qual history and enough submarine-specific jargon to let me know you're the real thing. Indicate if you want me to include the second verse. (Warning: The second verse of the Submarine song is obscene, disgusting, and disturbing on so many levels.) Fair warning to Googlers: This is not the Submarine Song. Neither is this, although it's actually pretty good.

Q4. Did doing that post remind you of another, non-submarine related military song you used to sing?
A4. (OK, we may have finished with the E-mail questions.) Yes, it did. When I was at OCS (I did 6 years enlisted before becoming an officer) the members of my company sang the "Road Guard Song". It's a Jodie -- a marching song done in a "call and repeat" format. Whenever the company marched around the base, you had to send "Road Guards" (guys or gals from your company) with the dorky reflective vests on up ahead to stand in front of oncoming traffic when you marched through an intersection. They were also known as Speed Bumps. Here are the words, as best as I can remember them.
"Road guards in and road guards out...
Road guards runnin' all about...
If I had a low IQ...
I could be a Road Guard too...
If I had one lower than that...
I could be in Second Batt... (Batt = Battalion, 2nd Batt was our battalion's main rival in athletic events)
Road Guards, Road Guards, don't be blue...
______ can be road guards too" (Fill in blank with name of whatever unit you're marching towards.)
Okay... it was funny if you were there.

Wait... another question just came in by E-mail; let's check it out...

Q5. Would you like a larger penis in only 7 days?

Emergency deep!!!

Update 0729 01 Feb: No, this little ditty, sung to the tune of "The Green Berets", isn't the Submarine Song either:
"Silver Dolphins on their chest,
These are men, America's best;
One hundred men, she'll have today,
But only three, the normal way."

Bell-ringer 2129 04 June: In response to a request in the comments, here's another song submariners (actually, only the nukes) sing which is not the submarine song:

"My reactor has a first name,
It's N-A-V-A-L;
My reactor has a second name,
It's classified as hell;
Oh, I love to scram it everyday,
And if you ask me why, I'll sa-a-a-ay...
'Cause radiation has a way of messing up your DNA."

posted by Bubblehead @ 2:21 PM